The World is Losing It’s Identity: New Moon in Shatabisha (Vedic Aquarius, Tropical Pisces) 23 February 2020 8:32am MST

Bit of housekeeping to start with: when I write the word “God” or “god”, I mean truth/love/beauty/life/Self or the IS.  The fact that the word is loaded was pointed out to me recently and I thought I should clear that up. I mean whatever you think the force is that set the Earth spinning at 1000 mph at the equator and revolving 70,000 mph around the sun. Because that is what it is doing. Right now. Go ahead and check, it doesn’t feel like it, does it? NEVERTHELESS, larger forces are at work and invisible things are happening. To deny it is a weird sort of temporal-spacial racism. The IS is, that’s all I mean.

The celestial matrix of the universe is estimated to be 13.8 billion years old, Methusela notwithstanding. The Earth is believed to be 4.5 billion years old (I bet she is a Cancerian).  This astronomy, in the Vedic tradition, is considered to be sacred (everything is, but that’s another tale) because the entire universe contains the power and genius of harmonic energetic patterns embodied by the planets. The planets have compiled, refined and compressed these energies (and their own specific qualities) for billions of years.  That spacesuit you are wearing? It does not belong to you, the planets made it.

For 2 billion years there was no life on this planet of any kind.  Not even a microbe as far as we can tell. And then 5 hundred million years ago life exploded onto the earth scene as sponge and coral forms in a primordial sea. Sophisticated life emerged a hundred million years ago and roughly 150 thousand years ago the double thinking monkey with refined consciousness arrived.  Through the drill-bit of space and time, redundancy and resilience, the planets spun a web to contain and retain the energies of creation and karma.  We ARE how we mature these energies. God/beauty/truth/love/life is creating your life according to what you have already learned (light, Shiva) and through what you have yet to understand (darkness, Shakti).

Karma is cause and effect.  We are simply ignorant of how it maintains cosmic balance. Ignorance is painful.

Karma is energy. Action and reaction. Sometimes it is not personal.

And it created all of this by remaining in the matrix of harmonic balance for 4.5 billion years.


What feels like it prevents growth can actually mature things.  Duration and resistance refine and temper raw, elemental power.  Face it, you know people who get everything they want and deny themselves nothing.  The popular term for that is narcissism and it is a particular kind of immaturity, the type of immaturity that lacks introspection and reflection.  The kind of neoteny that cannot be with it’s darker emotions and bring them to acceptance and peace. It’s a perpetual adolescence . . . a lifetime without initiation into higher potential or self realization. Not a fun date.

Your body is a remarkable technology.  Not only is it made of stardust and faraway planets, but it is a combinatory machine that brings spirit and matter into living contact with the vast oceanic consciousness. It is a both/and organism. When used properly it can hold contradictory ideas simultaneously, just as it lives and dies (more or less) in every moment. It can mature beautifully.

But lately your organism has been bombarded by extreme evolutionary pressures.  Your body is absorbing and filtering more and more toxins and emotional density by the moment.  The rate of paradox and the conflicting energies of lifetimes of supressed oppression strain the emotional body. The mental capacity is daily flooded with too much information, too much bias, too much spin and lies.  It’s sad. It’s shocking. It’s becoming more and more violent and sick on planet 3.


At this moment you would have to have your shit VERY together to look at the world around you and heave a satisfied sigh thinking, “How beautiful! New life coming into the universe as has been nursed and nurtured for 500 million years by the planetary energies in ancient, loving dedication”, but the metaphor is perfect.  Just like a human birth there is no more room in the womb, the walls are closing in.  There is moaning and groaning and bloodshed and some weird orange uncle keeps telling the laboring mother that she’s fine, she looks great . . . the best!

It more surreal than surreal and before I get to the reason I think the planets symbolically show why we might be experiencing this difficult juncture, let me just offer some encouragement: slow down. Don’t bypass this baby’s birth, even if it takes a long time and is horribly uncomfortable.  What is learned by painful mistakes is the bedrock of human consciousness.  Our humanity, compassion, ability to be in this moment, breathing, alive and aware are all the result of at LEAST 4.5 billion years of discipline and dedicated effort.  Those first people 150 thousand years ago had all this bullshit to contend with and they did it without penicillin. WE WILL NOT DROP THE BALL.


When the mind is overcome with worry, we turn within to find security and answers that heal. Let the thoughts in your mind be your offering to the kind of intelligence that has nature as it’s appearance. Shatabisha is in Vedic Aquarius, one of 2 human forms in the zodiac. The human evolves through planetary energies framed in present circumstances.  Present circumstances are dictated by past tendencies. Any or all of this can be changed by the most sacred vector in the known universe: present choice.  The astrology is the larger Self.  The larger Self creates the smaller ego and the deep habits of the mind accumulate until the pressure of repeated pain forces us in another direction: and out of the womb we go into novel dimensions.

The pain IS the healing.  The waterbearer of Shatabisha pours his bounty to the thousand flowers or the thousand healers of dedicated humanitarians.  Because Aquarius is an air sign, a sign of genius thought innovation, we should expect miracle cures that could potentially innoculate the masses in wonderful ways and we should be very carefully investigating any information that comes our way about disease, vaccines, body counts and cures. We did not get this far by being naive, folks. Trust but verify. Retain the aggregate wisdom and defend it. Some people have never had clean water on this planet and there have been boil orders on reservation land for 5 months in some places. Trust but verify.

Aquarius likes to spread information through large groups and while there is a tendency to adhere to fixed ideas (Saturn’s ancient influence/rulership) the outlook is usually progressive through this next lunar month.  Heartbreak IS the healing, but you can’t appreciate it until you become who it shapes you to be.  It must undergo the process of actually occurring. Holding opposites in unity and reconciling paradox is not easy.  A human of compassion and wisdom must find a way to restore and rejuvenate when times are tough.  I like restorative yoga, long hikes and time with dogs (and other non-humans–see the first paragraph) to come back into my humanity.  Which practices do you use?

Vedic chart of the new moon

This chart is an extreme example of kala sarpa yoga or a configuration where all the planets are positioned between the nodes of the moon.  People are very superstitious about this, but maybe it’s another painful benefit: it represents time outside the divine matrix–it’s naturally confusing. It can feel like we are losing our minds as we are caught between big, outward, futuristic perception yet tangled in narrow, retrograde, introspective points of view. It’s an interdimensional portal outside of form, thought and insight. Conjunct the retrograde Mercury and nebular Neptune also in Aquarius, this new moon could be disorienting and dreamy. It comes complete with a Venusian garden party in contradictory, escapist and sometimes intoxicated Pisces.

Having your shit together enough to call this a birth is going to be challenging. Slow down. Trust but verify.

Tropical Chart 

In the Gregorian calendar this dark moon is in Pisces. Unstable, flowing water seeks comfort in the mutability of change.  It’s fluidity and deeply adaptive nature are best suited to sensitive introversion as it is strongly emotional and impressionable.  The urge to escape may be strong, but I feel like we are used to that by now.  Mercury retrograding here will complicate communication, no doubt, since Pisces can be hard to understand and the dark moon is by nature less illuminated. Neptune compounds the nebular vibe, but this may be beneficial.  We have been caught in rigid ideologies.  Doubt would be welcome.

Pisces cannot be understood through logic, analysis nor pressure but the sign is an oceanic storehouse of compassion, sacrifice and intuition. Empathy, sympathy and mutual caring are better methods to employ for the next 2 weeks, which I am calling a kind of rest period before the intensity and evolutionary pressure (I feel like I am timing contractions) cranks up again.  Get those self-care and spiritual practices in place.  Team people is holding up well, but more will be asked of us.

All the planets in Pisces and Capricorn here look like a two part question to me: how do you want to think about the Higher Power/creative force/foundations of life on Earth?  Do you tell a hopeful story that makes it good to be a human, or are you sticking with the popular version where we are some sort of plague on the Earth? How does your foundational story about what we are effect what you do every day? There is no reason to believe that anything going on around us is reality.  The present is a thought form, a waking dream, a part of you.  The story you believe about it will determine how you perceive the events of your life.


I think all my yoga friends know I really like retrogrades.  For me it’s a time to return, reorient, reconsider, reconcile, reconnect, repair and restore. This one is especially important to me because I look at all the division, illness, pollution and hate in our world and I welcome the time to revamp my attitude.  We are going somewhere on this spaceship. ALL OF US. EVERYONE is US. We are moving beyond space and time, beyond light and dark, past understanding and ignorance.  I don’t want to bypass it because it is painful.  I want to be present for the only thing I truly own: my life.

Part of what I think about god/life/love/truth is who I am in it’s absence.  How I behave here and now is sacred. I believe that all of creation is unified, I think it is one thing, whatever it is. (Limiting the IS, I am told, is a pretty painful mistake.) I sense that the next dimension we are trying to conquer is the division between self and other. And that could be any other: God, nation, spouse . . . whomsoever. Is that gulf too big to jump?  Remember, there once was a fish that wondered if it could live on the land . . .

When I think about myself, I use the medial prefrontal cortex of the brain.  When I think about “them” I use the temporal parietal junction. These are less than a hand span apart, yet it makes all the difference in how I behave. How I behave is sacred.  My choices are sacred. I can see the other as another me longing to be reunited with god/life/truth/love or I can tell and retell the story of separation. Somehow the illusion of separation has been sanctioned and endorsed here.  Only materialism could make me see myself as an enemy.

When I deny the things in myself I ought to own and deal with: my racism, my fear, my loneliness are projected onto the others around me so that I cannot evade it.  The other is crying out for her lost connection to the divine harmony too, no matter how distorted the cry sounds. What if the distortion is magnified by my denial that I too am distorted? Is there really anything here that is so completely unrelatable?  After all, it’s either fear or love and everything I encounter is the result of my action. Somewhere out there someone is just grateful they don’t have to deal with me today/anymore. Can I make my heart big enough to hold that person too?  I’ll go get to work . . .

Teach me to see god in all.

God be in my head and in my thinking.

Love be in my eyes and in my seeing.

Truth be in my ears and in my hearing.

Life be in my mouth and in my speaking.

Beauty be in my heart and in my understanding.








Learning to Trust the Unknown: New Moon in Vedic Capricorn/Tropical Aquarius 24 January 2020 2:42pm MST

If you had to get a magical species of people to disown their power a good strategy might be to sell them a disaster narrative, then manufacture “proof” of the coming eschaton.  Why would manufactured proof “matter” to magical people? That’s a good question.  Why would politics, the opinions of others or fictions like money, economy or society “matter” to magical people?  Because magical people are new to “matter”.  They have literally never “mattered” before.



What if infinite consciousness must consent to limit itself to know the world (itself)?  What if it can only know an object from the point of view of a subject?  Rupert Spira is an artist and non-dualist.  I think he spends enough time in infinite awareness to be something like an authority.  How cool is that, being the aperture looked out of and looking back at the looker?  He claims that it’s only from the perspective of each of our  minds that consciousness can know itself.  This makes divinity immanent, not transcendent.  Whatever “it” is, matter, divinity, dimension, concept it is all HERE. NOW. And there is NOTHING else.

Graham Hancock has interviewed many shamans is his explorations. They have told him that the problem with our culture (from the point of view of indigenous people who have lived in dynamic equilibrium on the surface of this planet for millennia) is that we have lost connection with spirit.  Not holy books, not ritual, not worship, but spirit itself.  Not the kind of spirit that you find, rather the spirit that you are. The spirit that the world is, looking at itself.

There is a way in which the here and now can be this easy to comprehend and act within, but one has to be in right relation to it.  Religion says it’s dogma will get you there. Books like, “The Zone”, many politicians and your mother all claim to know the way.  We have tried all that.  We are no closer to securing the future for the next generation despite all our efforts.  Many indigenous cultures know that we are what we seek.  That right relation and compassion are what we are, not things we do.  They will not be tricked or swindled out of their connection to the all-that-is, the here and now, the ever-present love of this eternal moment.


While we many lament our lost relation to the earth and to ourselves, what if this is absolutely necessary for the one being to fully know itself?  It seems built-in to the process, to every process on Earth: separation and return, ebb and flow, day and night. While it is hard and it is dark, what if it’s the only way?  I mean, whatever the eternal awareness is, it has been here a LOT longer than I have trying to work out it’s identity crisis.  Maybe this self/other arrangement is a really good one for it’s purposes?

The new moon in Vedic Capricorn occurs in Shravana nakshatra.  It’s symbol is the “learning ear”.  This is a balsamic phase of deep introversion. It is an auspicious time for internal listening and careful discernment as we learn about how we make decisions. We can understand how we personally perform the most sacred function we possess: choice.  It is time to dispassionately (to borrow from tropical Aquarius) observe the mind, it’s polarities, what it commits to and most importantly WHAT IT DISOWNS, what DOESN’T MATTER.

Image result for Saraswati digital art

Saraswati, the goddess of learning, is associated with this nakshatra (lunar mansion). She is renowned for purity, the special faculty (or siddhi) of speech and the subterranean river of the same name.  This goddess is invoked when we study language, learn ancient mantras and connect to higher levels of consciousness.  If we make space for the silence between words and amid the chaos we may become literate in the politics and manipulations that occlude the true self, the divinity and magic that strives to be born from the subject/object process.

Jai Saraswati, teach us to hear the quiet truth within that has allways been.

The trick is to listen like an interested student, ask questions about things that interest us personally and delve deeply into how our beliefs inform and create the very foundations of our lives.  It is difficult to know what you really believe without encountering it’s opposite.  It’s hard to know what you are without knowing what you are not.  Rupert Spira might call this process “neti neti” or “not that”.  The strategy of “other” employed to understand “self”.  Your soul may actually be everything outside of you.

In our growth as humans we reach the point of maturity where we realize that ANYTHING that perpetuates separation is untrue.  We are being disabused of our capitalist, divided, materialist viewpoint.  It is not going down without a fight, but it’s going down.  Once Saturn and Pluto make it to the sign of the mergoat, foundations built on lies (remember Mula?) will fall.  Lies, after all, destroy themselves. Patiently continue to discern and expose what is discovered.

Vedic sidereal chart of the new moon

We are losing the signal for the noise. We are not having a conversation.  We are not having a debate about how to move forward.  We are weaponizing identity.  We are polarizing political position and manipulating each other out of any desirable kind of life. We are never alone with the shadow such darkness gives us, but are like children who always need a face over the cradle.  There is no “back to normal” from this impasse.  We must mature. And because it is never the end of the world, we have time. We have time for silence, we have time to grow truth in the space where the lies are uprooted. Just enough time, not to worry.

Once there was a fish that looked upon the land and thought, “I wonder if I could live there?”  Nature rewards this type of courage.  Are you willing to grow legs out of fins and lungs out of gills?  It won’t be easy. It will take a ridiculous amount of time. Still, isn’t this what god’s conquest has always been, to reach the farthest dimensions of self and then find out what it is like to live there?  Have we lost the ambition of our spiritual adventure just because we made the mistake of believing matter so completely?  “Can we not snatch some defeat from this victory?” as James Hillman asked.  Is there nothing here for soul?  For love?

Reconfigured ideas of crisis, disaster and chaos are the foundation of soul.  Darkness, grief and shame compost the garden of light, joy and love.  We who are so thoroughly disillusioned will only find spirit again when we find the courage to embrace the wisdom of our failure and misfortune. In the legend of the Fisher king, when the god-appointed ruler died, so did the land.  When matter fails as lord of this land, spirit will rush to lend it new life. I am not talking about a way or a method or a guru.  Disenchantment and failure are our hope for a new landscape, a world reborn.  But we must be willing to admit defeat and do the unbelievably hard, joyous work of remediation. We would have to travel light, without the burden of our ideologies, identities, beliefs and even our past.


Like Hillman, we have to outcontextualize the bullies within and without.  We can embody “the common life of soul – the ambiguous many over the literal one”. Maybe James Hillman was the second land loving fish and Jung was the first; they left us a pretty good map.  I’ll finish quoting Richard Tarnas here with this glorious description:

James was both postmodern and ancient. He saw through, endlessly, like a deconstructionist, and yet
he saw, vividly, the gods, the spirits, the depths, like an ancient poet.
He recognized essences without ever succumbing to essentialism.
He had an allegiance to the fallen world, yet he risked a large vision.
He was a poet of psyche and a psychologist of the polis.
Above all, James championed the imagination in its high rightful place at the center of human reality, with
perhaps greater force and eloquence than anyone since William Blake.

We are surely in the cauldron here in Capricorn.  This is the chaos of unknowing; the deep~dark water of the unhealing wound. Saturn moves into Vedic Capricorn as I write, moving on from the discomfort of Sagittarius into his home sign. He provided a reality check around our ideas and high myths of life for the past lunar month.  We thought life was going to be one thing and we learned that is was something else.  It is up to us to make something out of the disillusionment.  Saturn wants us to grow strong in understanding.  Disillusion is not punishment, it’s education and rejection is protection.

For a very long time we have been actively discouraged from looking below the surface of things and may have blindly accepted a materialist viewpoint by default.  The irony is that all we ever truly know is our own inner experience.  Only materialism could allow slavery.  Only materialism could deny that the Earth is a living being.  Only materialism could rate humanity as the apex species.  We are not the highest achievement.  Not yet, but we can look at that pinnacle and wonder, “could I be the nobility the ancestors envisioned?” I know a certain fish that once leapt out of a similar chaos . . .

I use astrology differently than a lot of other people who call themselves astrologers. I like symbols and I like connecting to relevant archetypes of process.  I like to envision the energies they embody moving through the landscape of time so they walk with me, like presences in my environment and don’t take me over unconsciously.  I wrote in the previous post that war, prejudice and misogyny are ancestor problems.  I think we have another one that is best viewed through the tropical chart, whose symbols I think are more personal, more humanity related as we try to become humankind.

I sense, I see, I feel in the symbols and signs I am interpreting that a reckoning of colonialism is approaching.  The defiant flames of global protest, earth cataclysm and personal catastrophe are fed by a larger wave of energy from the uncounted dead of the global colonial era.  I don’t say this to bring fear to an already unhinged situation, quite the contrary.  The dead are our allies. We can begin to acknowledge the invisible world materialism has denied by acknowledging and empathizing that a horrible wrong has been committed with the genocide of the indigenous cultures of the Earth.  A simple, sincere ritual acknowledging the sacrifice of the people whose native land you are currently living on might be a good start.

We could all sit down and grieve that a really bad thing happened.  Spirit is built of thought and speech and souls of the dead can be contacted that way.  Spirit is imaginal.  Spirit is dreamt, it is ancestors and it is CREATIVE.  In order to regain the energy that will help us through this impasse, we must count the dead.  Our homes are built on the bones of the dead of empire and empire is being reformed.  We cannot avenge the pain.  We cannot even imagine the pain the future has cost the past, but we can acknowledge the hurt.  We can continue from here with thankful awareness of the sacrifice.

Helix nebula

“As NASA writes of this image of the Helix nebula, “Six hundred and fifty light-years away in the constellation Aquarius, a dead star about the size of Earth is refusing to fade away peacefully. In death, it is spewing out massive amounts of hot gas and intense ultraviolet radiation, creating a spectacular object called a planetary nebula.” Here, Helix is seen in false-color though NASA’s Hubble and Spitzer space telescopes. At the center of the image is the dead star that has collapsed into a white dwarf. White dwarfs are the hot, dim, compact leftovers of a star near the end of its life. Our sun is expected to become a white dwarf.”  ~

There is so much more I wanted to write here, but I have to end it, hoping these are words enough.  It’s a hard time. I have every faith and confidence our magic will return to us.  I will relate one last idea to you, knowing these concepts are not enough, but the creativity that comes through them is what I have now, so I give what I can.

I recently blew it with the ancestors.  I had a chance to do “sorry business” and show humility and speak to the post-colonial wound in a place that is absolutely sacred to me: the last wilderness corridor of its kind in the known universe.  I was so traumatized by hard work and lack of faith and otherness that I failed the opportunity entirely and hurt myself in the process.  Instead of being angry with me (beyond putting me in cosmic time-out for a year and a half) spirit gave me the gift of understanding weasel medicine and the value of my place in the chaos.

Weasel spied on the camps of the pale strangers as they came to the lands of the first people.  Weasel told them tearfully of the alien weapons and the lost connection to spirit that the colonialists brought.  He explained the pale strangers would fight others because they acted AGAINST THEIR OWN RIGHT RELATION to themselves. He brought them the power of their disillusionment and though they were defeated and they suffered horribly, the first people are still here.  Energy is neither created nor destroyed. It’s not the end.  Our spiritual adventure never ends.

What will emerge is not the product of our genius, but of our steely tenacity.  God was overcome by Jacob’s passion.  We cannot know what will come, but we can learn to trust unknowing.  Unknowing is a gift on a far journey.  Beyond data is a silent resource, a new form of creativity.  Let yourself slow down in this time of urgency. Find your unknowing in the silence and rest there while the lies destroy themselves.

Mind your heart,



Penumbral Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Vedic Gemini/Tropical Cancer 10 January 12:21am MST Attachment, Authenticity and Awareness.

“We have overlooked the shared, shining experience of being aware.  We must place that on the altar of our attention and dedicate our hearts to our unified, infinite awareness.”

~Rupert Spira


“We can all sink or we all float, ’cause we’re all in the same big boat.”

~The Police

War is an ancestor problem.  Racism is an ancestor problem. Generational hatred is an ancestor problem. Speciesism, xenophobia, sexism and the attitude that “it is what it is” are all points of tension in the morphogenetic field (Rupert Sheldrake) we are moving through as humans.  We live in the field of attention and the arena of moral choice. The container for this is the ephemeral presence of the past. It reaches through the now moment into the future.  The struggle between authenticity and attachment is real when you have fallen into history as we have.  When you assume the story of a past is True (whatever that means) certain limitations come to bear.  Sometimes these are helpful to forward motion and development, sometimes not. It all depends on what you are aware of.

Awareness can lose itself in experience, but internal awareness is all we ever experience.  The world is god or as close as we are ever going to come to knowing god.  This moment is the now of the “Big Bang” or the source of awareness or god. Your questions are your gifts to god; they are god’s future.  The archetypal, primordial imprints of forms and beings and images come with the body.  Jung tried to map them, but there is an emergence that eludes the capture.  The body and awareness hold a space of emptiness for this one not yet arrived. The body is involved in enlightenment, if it’s not there, you aren’t either.


Awareness tracks the field of archetypal forms like a GPS.  If you are aligned you can feel it in the body.  If you are causing suffering to another, you can feel that.  If, however, my awareness is more outside my body than internal, my data, and therefore my alignment to my nature, is flawed.  When love is regulating my central nervous system I can feel that.  I think ecological symptoms arise from bodily dislocation AND the inverse is also true.   Every single one of us on the planet right now is dislocated from what we are doing. We literally can’t know. Gilda Radner called it, “delicious ambiguity”. Not as tasty today . . .

The slight discoloration of the full moon from Earth’s shadow occurring on Friday this week is in the mid-cycle of the annular new moon solar eclipse that happened on December 26.  That new moon was in the nakshatra of Mula accompanied by Ketu, Jupiter and Mercury in Vedic Sagittarius.  Thematically, Mula has been exposing lies inherent in our culture and will do so through 2020 (because the new moon was at the solstice).  Nirriti, the goddess of destruction, is the primary deity of this 6 month cycle.  This goddess also represents aging, decay and the negative effects of time on the lies, deceit and oppression of the established systems we inherit.  Mula tasks us with pulling them up by the roots.

I have been following Vic DiCara’s daily videos on the moon’s transits through the lunar mansions very closely for this cycle.  He is explaining how the daily ingress of the moon impacts Mula through the Tara-bala (or star power) of the fixed stars she visits.  It has been clear in his explanation so far that we, who are negatively impacted by the system, do not YET have the power to expose and uproot the lies at it’s foundation.  Mula is the promise of a new foundation and Nirriti, the great and sorrowful elder sister of Lakshmi, answers to her sister’s abundance with sadness. Born from the venom kalakuta, her name means “the absence of”. Like Ereshkigal, she lives in the kingdom of the dead.

Image result for nirriti

For the next 6 months this awareness, this dark, feminine sorrow, will maneuver into a place of leverage to the lies that oppress the devoted.  Here in the middle of the first lunar cycle of 2020, the full moon darkens in Sidereal Gemini bridged to Cancer in Punarvasu nakshatra.  The process gathers truth and data with the twins. Authentic Gemini is neutral in it’s dialectic. It’s ruler Mercury is the messenger as in “don’t shoot the . . .” it knows that words mean things and it knows what they mean.  It’s not laboring in political correctness, outrage culture or virtue signaling, IF it’s in it’s higher expression. It is truth without attachment.

This discernment returns to the body and is brought into the heart in Cancer.  This is where we get to figure out our own part in the lies.  Was I really being abused or do I just not like how I was treated?  We will look at what Mula has uprooted so far and bring it into the conscious awareness of the heart.  Getting clear on the path to the heart (whatever that looks like for you) and whatever truth you are willing to sacrifice for, work toward and stand your ground to protect becomes urgent now.


There is also the necessity of recognizing that we are each ambiguous creatures unless our attention is fixed by devotion.  This is the beauty of Punarvasu, the bridge between Gemini and Cancer.  Fantasies about who we think we are and how involved we are in the problem will be revealed.  I have been told that the soul gets stuck in attachment, that we merely replay the compromises we made as children to appease our caregivers.  There was no choice, attachment “trumped” authenticity. The devotion to god (whatever that means) is held up to prevent one from living life through these primitive, pervasive, too-sad-to-face wounds.

I am also told that the moment belongs to each one of us regardless of circumstance.  Each one of us is the master of our soul’s journey. I always thought right and wrong would be so easy to discern, yet Neptune’s watery distortions prevail. May history and practice serve Nirriti and all of us.  For although we cannot know, for sure, what is right or what is ultimately happening, larger forces are at work and our reducing-valve brains are not yet able to apprehend their motion.

The innovation and power of life to keep evolving and working with the raw materials it has is the overall feel of Punarvasu.  This is the star of renewal and it’s deity is Additi, the Mother Goddess, the ancient source of all creation.  She is the very power of abundance, hope, expansion, safety and protection and is older than the Earth itself.  There is a sense that things will be made good again and the nourishing light will return through her.  After the rain comes sun.  Life is creative resource and that has no beginning and no end. Things are completely out of our control and we are oppressed by lies, but larger forces are at work.  Tend the light within.  Meditation, mantra and prayers for peace strengthen the power of the Mother. Especially during the eclipse, especially during Kali yuga.


The symbol of Punarvasu is a quiver of arrows; inward focus, new ways to keep returning to the heart, to faith in a wise and loving universe, even as one pulls up the ideas of the past by the roots.  You are not ruled by dying, worn-out concepts.  You see, understand and use concepts, therefore you are bigger than they are.  Do not let your mind tell you who you are.  Your mind is your tool, your heart knows your identity. Do not let your past describe your future

Focus on the heart like the archer with his arrow.  Go deep into your love, into what you love about life and living. Punarvasu is a powerful springboard for self-expression and innovation.  Latent talents can be revealed here, do not believe the limits of the mind and the ideas of the past. You have many fine arrows in your quiver and the very best way to root out evil is to be the most truthful and sincere person you can be.

Life responds to nurture.  Healing responds to life without resentment for the wound.  Life and healing make us, we don’t make them.  What beats your heart? What do you not want to live without?  What is sacred for you?  What do you want to celebrate? What do you burn to understand? These are your gifts to the all that is, to all that is becoming.  Use this time before mid-February to learn what these are, to become intimate with the flower that blooms your life so that all else is given easily and readily to the compost of the past, to the ash of the phoenix.


The logic of permanence needs to be composted.  A dying to an old, encumbered self needs to happen.  All the trash that endures in systems and institutions needs to be re-purposed.  In failing we might be fine.  We might be NEW.  There is a need for a heart big enough to hold this whole stinking mess. Political will is dead.  Outrage is impotent.  Partner your will with the stars, the cycles and the healed ancestors.  Be vulnerable to indigenous truth.  Let your dog walk you.  Let love be the form you take no matter how much it scares you.  Hug a tree.  Live in dignity and reasonable self-esteem.  Find peace with yourself, you are doing your best, right?  Have peace with the Earth, feel her loving support.  Have peace with death, go into the unknown with a light heart.

Tropical chart of the Penumbral Full Moon Eclipse

As Saturn and Pluto conjoin, ideology, or what I am calling attachment, is being destroyed. In Capricorn we can do the real work of remediation.  We can build anew by relying on self, Earth and magic. Do not let the mind tell you what is possible.  When you look away from Capricorn on the opposite side of the wheel is the heart, the nurture, the connectedness of Cancer.  Cancer is the subject to Capricorn’s object, the citizen to it’s system.  Silence is valuable (especially during the eclipse).  Give it your attention without making an object of it.  Stay empty and watch the mind come and try to seduce you back into attending it’s objects. The mind is the voice of fear, the heart is the song of love. Listen.

Here several cycles begin and end as Pluto and Saturn join on their own south nodes, devolving and evolving their foundations together. The shadow and the past end  patterns that no longer bear fruit, that atrophy the psyche and oppose love. This distorted humanity is falling; the unnatural force and control, the disconnection, the systemic distortion.  This man-made conquest has never gotten us any closer to security, it turns out. There never really was a future in the Forever war. Time to let go of the addicted, suffering, tribalism and take our medicine. Time for peace.

Out of this loss and past and repeating comes the healing and the life that we do not own but ARE. Out of this Earth, these bodies, these hearts we shall begin again.  We will walk through the darkness carrying the same resources we have always had: compassion, experience, nature and love. It looks like very little else will fit through.  It looks like we will lose a lot to this axis of security and survival, but remember: we came with nothing and we leave with nothing.  Seen with a loving heart EVERYTHING is gain as long as we don’t expect to keep it.


This rock, near the Hellgate petroglyphs, has been rubbed smooth by thousands of indigenous people making their journey to the Helena valley.  They did not drop the ball.  We will not either.

It is truly hard to know the poison from the cure on the earth plane, especially when the dominant culture decides that we know better than the indigenous people who have lived in dynamic equilibrium with the planet for millennia. They know the authority of self and very often do the work of respecting our biggest local goddess: Gaia.  If we have the humility we can learn to re-parent our culture with new networks of internal support based upon feeling what we are doing.  If we could feel what we are doing to the Earth we would stop immediately.

True courage is feeling what you really feel.

The world is lost and repeating and stuck, but you see these things and are therefore beyond them.  You may feel depressed and frustrated and exhausted but that is NOT immanent danger.  By denying our need for peace we place our brothers and sisters in immanent danger right now.  The war zones of the Middle East are already hundreds of years from recovery, does your heart want more of that suffering?  Do not be afraid to feel. You are safe to feel.  To feel will return you to your denied needs for unconditional love and acceptance for everything on this planet to live and thrive and to deeply honor the sacrifices of the dead.

Emotional experiencing is the heart’s way through the process and cycle.  Denial of emotional experience is killing us all.  Being a consumer is killing us all, being a professional is killing us all, being any “ism”, “ist” or tribe is killing us all.  Practicing relaxing the central nervous system in the presence of authentic feeling will heal us and restore life.


It is safe to feel.  It is safe to feel better than we are now, it is also safe to feel hopeless. All feelings are meant to move through the body.  Let them have their expression.  We have always paid for the safety and continuity of the future with our lives.  Humans are noble creatures and we do shit like that.  Feel that nobility. We are really happiest when we are making life more wonderful.  It used to be a joyful truth-telling, a song of life sung until the awe of death then released in gratitude.  May it be so again.

This is dedicated to Dad Bob, received by the cosmic embrace on Sunday 5 January 2020.

Mind you heart,





Annular Solar New Moon Eclipse in tropical Capricorn Vedic Sagittarius; Are you a Gardener in a War or a Warrior in a Garden?; ~Ben Davidson


Let me start by asking you to look back to the eclipse in July of 2018.  As a cycle closes here, what have you learned from your experiences and the themes explored since then? If this blog was part of it, you can revisit here, to jog your memory, then remember; the non-dual wholeness of all life is not a memory.  It is an experience now and now and now.  But you are building upon experience.  You are bridging past and future so that those who come after you have the torch of loving awareness to see them through the dark places we all must walk. Onward, steadily onward, beloved.

I am not an astrologer.  I am not religious.  I contemplate and I write.  I breathe and move, contemplate and write.  I share the summary of my contemplation when I feel moved to.  This is art and research and reminder for me; I am not fighting to sustain my personal position.  This is confirmation for joy. And anyway, my friend Ray likes it.  I wish I had more time to pursue my creative expression . . .

bell hooks says, “the real power of love is to transform us”.  At this moment, when we are facing the largest scale change ever seen on this planet (which, btw, is what is always happening, just variant at scale) I agree.  This existence is not about finding a steady supply of love and then securing it until the crack of doom.  That kind of control is what is currently being destroyed by the stellium in tropical Capricorn/Vedic/Sidereal Sagittarius.


I guess love is about beginning with nothing, growing something beautiful and true and then setting it free to diminish.  Destruction and creation are the cycle, fractal and variant at scale.  If you don’t write death into your worldview, your worldview will be corrected with red permanent marker (or the blood of millions–you choose). If love is not part of death then you get the kind of problems we have now.  The “logic” of “permanence” needs to be composted.  More on this after the “new year”. (Hang on to those resolutions till the 22nd of January . . .)

I guess love is less about ownership and more about the good of the beloved.  I think love is about growing the capacity be open and loving even when what you love leaves you.  Speaking as one who is ridiculously, madly in love with wilderness, this comes from from my experience, from learning that I am not big enough or powerful enough to stop the sale and destruction of this jewel of a planet.

Still, I have learned, by watching the trash-can fire that is America in 2019, that the love and grandeur and wildness I adore lives in me.  I can access it and make more of it and give it to others.  I can bend my body and mind to the rhythm of the cosmos.  I can return again and again to my inner wilderness and in the depths of Soul, return to what is divine in me (which I just project out into the wilderness anyway). I write this to remind myself.


Recidivism can be a real problem for those of us who want a world that holds love as a central principle for action, institution and system.  “The power of the world is a circle.  Everything tries to be round.” ~Black Elk.  This is the shape of mind when it considers love, which is all things, not excluding anything. Break the shackles of limitation here in Mula nakshatra and move toward the highest personal ideal of inclusion you can. Whale on the capacity developing exercises.  Love bigger, love more.

Because identity and world are both/and, they seem to be always in conflict until we circle long enough to appreciate the continuum. It’s easy to forget that we are the wholeness, the compassion and the resolution of opposition.  We resolve the Forever War. When I think that’s who we are, that it’s who I am, love swells in my heart and there’s TONS of it to share.

Without getting too far into it here, let’s just say that I have a relationship with an archetypal Vedic goddess.  She has shown me on two occasions, visions of helpless animals being abused by humans.  What is interesting is that the scenes were not shown to make me pity the animal.  They were shown to help me understand how the goddess of enlightenment was all 3 things in the scene: the animal, the human AND the moment of abuse.

I cannot express how profoundly this insight has awakened me.  With this insight the whole world became god to me.  Love must rise against oppression EVERY TIME.  The oppressed cannot buy the lie of abuse, they must stand against it even unto death.  The abuse is the only way for love to prove it prevails; it could be lost, but it never is.  Love always wins.  Your existence, that there is life of any kind at all is proof.  This planet used to be molten lava.  Look at what lives here now.  THAT is love’s power.  This is not a metaphor, it’s not hyperbole.

I feel that knowing this is the beginning of love moving against the colonialism in my mind and bringing me into contact with the world mind.  I don’t yet understand soul or it’s workings AT ALL, but I am getting the hang of love.  It’s not at all what I thought it was, it’s not at all what is being sold or institutionalized culturally, it’s bigger than both and exists within them half- formed, half-realized.  Unborn. Undying. It’s the substratum of all there is.

That stellium is the enantiodromia that forces us to choose like Arjuna: we must mature out of our colonial toddlerhood or we will all either perish or make life unlivable.  The Uranian trine, coupled with the conjunction of sun and moon to Mercury and Jupiter look bacon-saving to me.  There is a lot of positive potential for group awareness and social conscience no matter how dark “reality” (whatever that is) appears in the moment. May I mature and become.  May I use my sacred choice anew to benefit all life.

May I learn to be truly present for the current state of love and it’s unfolding now and now and now.  For I have lived with you too long in the sunlight of the world’s bounty only admitting what pleased me. Since this always invokes shadow I pray my love is strong enough to last the night.  There is no protection for my sensitivity in what approaches: the only relief I will have is in my ability to reconnect with the source of joy and love each time I lose it.

I have found that my fear is roughly proportionate to the size of my ego. I pray that I can be small and limited and free of that burden.  Because I do fear.  I fear not being a strong enough vessel to hold the great and terrible love of god as it comes to earth.  I fear not having fully let go of the things I thought were love.  I fear true love is to big for me. I know that I am not the extent of power  in the universe.  Hell, I am not even a local ordinance, but I hope to heaven I can own my finitude in confidence tempered by my fear and the practice of returning to love over and over again when I fall out of it.


I owe my fear a great deal. It has taught me that I don’t know how to bestow life or even to release it (does anybody know how dying is actually done?) but it has shown me many times that I am a part of life.  When I am a conscious part of it I am a valuable part, too.  When I release my so called “secure” platforms of witless control, I feel the fear of being a warrior in the arena of sacred choice.  As Acyuta-bhava Das said, “We can’t be free unless we are who we really are within what is really real.”  Fear haunts the really real like dove grey.

He also expressed that security is deeply rooted in the close shaves that quiet us and save us from our own judgement.  It’s a big deal to have god individuating in us, to have god self reflecting in us, but WE are not the big deal.  The big deal is as common as grass (literally) on this planet and I miss it every day on my way to work and running to stand still for the profit of psychopaths. Pouring consciousness into matter is a delicate, nuanced miracle.  That I take it for granted is a grave error.  This I must own.  Saturn and Pluto will see to that.  I must tend to the light in my heart, so I can find my way home through the really real.

False power only satisfies the ego.  What would it mean if our current struggle was all over just by defeating a certain set of someones?  It would mean what all the previous successful revolutions meant: meet the new boss, same as the old boss.  The sidereal chart above is showing us something different, the stellium here is in Sagittarius which is the archetype of the ideal, the archer, the one who aims high.  To defeat one man’s grandiosity would be beneath Sag. I hope with the Uranus trine the luminaries will show us a way to see the world as a living divinity in which each chipmunk, waterfall and whale is sacred and sovereign, reclaimed from man’s colonialism and placed into the care of humankind.  Sagittarius inspires.  Capricorn will require work to fulfill the hope.

A revolution befitting Sagittarius would be to divorce the whole idea of ownership and as the stellium then moves into Capricorn we can learn to be connected without attachment.  We can learn to realize the intrinsic self-organizing dynamic of the planetary mind.  We can let what is natural BE.  We can let life live. The world IS god, if we see it that way.  It does not progress linearly, but it does accrue what came before.  We can learn.  We can break through.  Love got us this far.  It will get us home.

There is separation and there is return.  There is also maya.  That which is nearest and most accessible appears farthest away and impossible.  This is the power of maya.  It is possible to observe the play of maya and return to the experience of love and to do that over and over until you can tell that shit from the glorious shinola.  But it is a PRACTICE.  It requires DEVOTION. Mastery means it must be done in the presence of the wholly other. Love in the presence of hate. Gotta have some capacity for that, yo.


It’s an inclusive, both/and world.  Anything I exclude is a part of myself that I cannot own.  I cannot remain open and loving if I am excluding parts of myself from myself. Therefore I project them upon the maya outside me until I learn to take them in.  Right now I am projecting half a world of displaced people without a home on the planet where they were born.  You bet your ass I am going to practice love.  You bet I am devoted. I am begging god to reunite me with the parts of myself I have abandoned.

I doubt very highly that this body was meant for personhood and identity.  I guess that it was meant for the purification of consciousness.  This show of maya is my test.  Where there is hatred I am to respond with love.  Maybe one has to reach the truth defeated, depleted and empty.  Maybe that’s the only way to release the trauma of the separation, the violence of becoming a person and the horror of identity. Maybe being empty is the only way to admit love.

Humanity has now reached the level of population that dominates the biosphere: an emergent planetary mind.  What will it take to use that power for wholeness?  What will it take to return to the sanity of inclusion and cast off the deathist ideal of separation?  Destruction is not the only force in the universe.  Despite impossible odds life survives and endures.  If the sundering separation that created the cosmos and it’s ensuing expansion had occurred at ANY OTHER rate, life could not exist here.  I must release my need for control and let the self organizing dynamic that is driving this bus have the wheel back.  I must practice this devotedly because I SUCK at it.


Also, it is becoming more and more difficult to return to the now and here where I am, where god is, where truth is.  Have you noticed (maybe it’s not true for you–I pray it’s not) the mundane world seems bent on keeping us away from love? We are all encouraged to believe we need something or to improve something or save something first, in order to be with what is already here.  You are here.  God is here. Love is here. Truth is here.  And none of those things are having loud commercials, financing or limited time offers about it, either.

Concepts will not satisfy. Mind will always try to move me away from acceptance (unity) and into self-image (separation).  Mind offers only resistance to what is.  It gives me a belief in personal identity which yields a psychological identity that then suffers from its own judgement.  This paradox is holding the whole world hostage in suffering.  But when I close my eyes I am open and I am silent emptiness.  When I allow grace I can bear my own truth without happening, victory or war.  When I close my eyes my body is not mind.  In silent emptiness I am not my walls, my boundaries, my limitation or concept of self.

God can only play an empty instrument.

I take back my time from the temporary and the ephemeral and return it to the eternal and effulgent.

I soften. I empty. I open. I practice. I forget. I remember. I soften. I empty. I open. I practice. . .

What ultimately effects the healing of any situation, what finally brings the two sides of self together and ends the Forever war is vision.  When I practice I repeat and replay the knowledge that all of the disparate 10,000 things in the cosmos are really one thing: this is a language.  This is a conversation. This is a relationship and I have to do whatever I must to make it a loving one. Even if that means starting a new dialogue in a new place in time because I cannot make a loving vision of the raw materials I have.

Jupiter conjunct the sun. Asked to sum up his life’s message Ram Dass said, “I help people as a way to work on myself, and I work on myself to help people… to me, that’s what the emerging game is all about.” May you be more powerful on the other side than you were in life, Guru. May we hear you on the wind, may we see you in each other and remember each one of us is god in drag.

Don’t miss this post by Samuel Reynolds of Unlock Astrology.  I think it is brilliant. Unity, Convergence. Yes. Consistent sources of hope.  Find them.  Share them.  Keep going.

Mind your heart,


New Moon in Vedic Virgo, Tropical Libra 28 September 12:26 pm 2019 As Within So Without.

My will is simply that which comes to pass. For I esteem what God wills better than what I will. To Him will I cleave as His minister and attendant; having the same movements, the same desires, in a word the same will as He.


I have this posted on my refrigerator door.  On it I wrote, “Love and kisses, Hades”.  The full moon coming on the 13th of October is square to Pluto as he goes direct. Pluto has been opposite my sun in both charts for some time now, 2008 to 2022.  This motion is most welcome. Everything interacts with me in conformity with my beliefs about myself.  Understanding  myself is paramount if this is capital ‘t’ True. Especially with Pluto dredging up my shadow.

I have identified with my limitation.  I will prove I am free. You probably won’t like it.

The possibility of advance depends solely upon getting out of the identified state. Full gestalt shift required. If Persephone went willingly into the Underworld for love of Hades (Pluto) it was because she knew herself to be more than life with her mommy had allowed.  She looked into the abyss and thought, “I could rule this realm and I kinda dig this guy.  Let’s see how it goes.”

What if her separate self/ego and her larger Self were in accord?  What if she made a balanced choice? Psychic integration is possible here and in the story.  Consciousness realizes itself as a separate personality, an incomplete and manufactured identity then yearns for the return to it’s unknown, unknowable Self.  It becomes a conscious, unstoppable striving for Self realization or knowing intimately what one is meant to be beyond the binding ego identity.

Image result for Persephone Queen of hell

The realm of the transcendent being cannot exclude suffering.  It includes everything AND nothing.  Being that big requires capacity and developing capacity HURTS. It reveals the unspeakable which cannot be told or rationally apprehended because it is alive.  It is the very foundation of life and existence and EVERYTHING so it cannot be identified by concepts.  And you and I are that very something (when we are not creating stories).

We spend our whole lives creating strategies to keep what we want and get rid of what we don’t.  It doesn’t work.  What is disowned comes back to haunt us and what we want leaves.  The disillusionment gives us the possibility to examine the truth (both Ts). There is nothing going on in the world that is not a reflection of mind and there is nothing in the mind that is not happening in the world.

What if it’s all one self?  What if I am willing to see all the horror and beauty that happens here and see what remains untouched by it. What is eternal?  What if the forms and the faces change, but my perception remains? What if I see myself in all of it and none of it too? Like Persephone did when she took Hades hand . . .

Image result for Persephone Queen of hell

My internal script of identity may be holding me back but there’s an opportunity for freedom in Virgo’s precision (not perfection) and Pluto’s core of power to innerstand the transformation. Is there an “other” out there?  Can I liberate my ideas about myself and the world in the stillness and silence of my open heart? Can I stand more?

Can I become this silent awareness and realize that the thoughts I have about myself and this ‘real’ world itself appear within me?  Can I resolve the duality and end the war by ending my addiction to mind and to the outside world?  What if I don’t believe anything for just a minute and simply realize I am the language that is the world? It may be as simple as expanding out of contraction, relaxing constriction, inhaling and exhaling.

Sidereal Chart

In the Vedic chart all of the personal planets are in Virgo.  Pluto is opposite the sun in this chart. It represents issues like intimacy, trust, boundaries and letting go into total personal transformation. Virgo says it might be good to ask if we are getting good results in self-purification, rituals, habits and attitude toward work.  What should change in our daily grind? Imana go ahead and say a personal review of everyday habits regarding relationships could be timely. They could be more effectively dealt with for the next month.

Saturn squares Chiron in this chart (the Vedics don’t do asteroids, but I do because this one is a healer (see all the previous posts on Chiron)). Saturn rewards hard work, achievement and commitment with regard to health. It’s complicated by its 12th house placement, the house of collective unconsciousness, self transcendence and sacrifice, seclusion and introspection.  This is not even part of the conversation in our world. That is one reason why I write this blog.  We are being lived by forces we pretend to understand, maybe these planetary influences are part of this.  Could be complicating or slowing down healing. Dunno.  Trying to see.

Mars squares Jupiter in the 8th house which is ruled by Pluto and is concerned with crisis, emotional and sexual union, regeneration, mystery and spirit.  These things are often not part of the conversation of our world either (is there a conversation? Dunno. Trying to start one). I think this will expand the screaming match around the planetary crisis and climate understanding exponentially. That’s already happening, but it might get personal, mysterious and we may come together over it. Or get further apart.

Mercury is square the sun and the MC, opposite the Ascendant (zero Aries) and trine Mars.  Eeep. It might be prudent to be very careful with personal communication just now. Mercury represents the mind — the link between spirit and matter, between soul and personality.  It’s interpretation, intelligence, pattern recognition and fact gathering. Let’s hope it’s positive qualities; being adaptable, intellectual, attentive, clever and versatile win the day here. We want to be aware of becoming hypercritical, cynical, argumentative and sarcastic if we can and catch it before utterance.  Small chance this will happen on the world stage before the winged messenger enters Libra.

Tropical Chart

In the tropical chart all of the personal planets are in Libra (except for Mars–who dallies with the virgin–don’t worry he’ll catch up before we remember Epstien) the sign of the iron hand in the velvet glove, it’s aggressiveness is not usually obvious.  Libra is a lot like Aries, but with the passage of time the “me first” energy seeks balance and idolizes harmony. Often without opinion, Libra can see the value of all points of view but cannot choose.  This is a real consideration going forward.  We all seek and need satiation, but we have to know what that means.  Many of us don’t.  Many of us do, but can’t attain it for many psychosocialindustrialpharmaceuticalmilitary complex reasons.

This sun is also square Pluto, the psychic bilge-pump of the zodiac.  It’s making soil for a new phase of life and it’s alerting us to toxic, polluting thoughts and repressed shadow material so that they can be repurposed. It’s doing so in the 9th house of aspiration, the search for meaning, religious views and god image.  This could get messy, but it’s all composting.  It won’t make it smell better or look good, but some of this shit’s just got to go.

We are moving out of the Piscean age, where we needed an intermediary between us and god to the Aquarian age where we contact the divine within.  It’s a good road, but a hard, red one.  Keep going.  Do the best you can.  Meet your life every day doing your best.  The whole discourse on every level has to change.  No one knows how to do this. We are in a mindset of cultural denial.  Pluto will teach us to transform or we will die. Mars conjuncts Pluto and sextiles Jupiter in this chart so I am justified in a little drama.  A little saber-rattling.

Adding to the excitement, the sun and the moon are both conjunct Lilith the unfettered, sexual feminine demon asteroid.  Both luminaries are focused on conscience, emancipation, independence and freedom of choice.  She is karma and she is soul.  She is not about language, she’s about acting out.  She does what she does not have words for.  She leaves Adam, she is an enemy to children, she is darkness.  She is not well understood because she is not a symbol of a concept.  She is more an unnamed fear, hinted at in the Torah and the bible.  Wonder how that might show up?

Image result for durga slaying the buffalo demon

Tonight (last night–sorry, have the flu) begins Navratri or the nine nights of the goddess.  In this Hindu festival the waxing moon’s protection and empowering influence are celebrated in the nine forms of her Shakti or supreme universal energy that slay the buffalo god, Mahishasura.  He defeated all of the gods in the pantheon. Every one. The gods were forced to combine their powers to defeat him.  The one force they created .became the liberator Durga, her name means “impossible to overcome”. Whenever an overwhelming demonic force appears the goddess must be summoned because her “Shakti” is unsurpassable.  See if it’s not.

The first three nights are devoted to the form of the goddess called Kali, the destroyer.  She will end ignorance, disease, ego and selfishness when invoked.

Image result for kali goddess art

The next three nights honor Lakshmi, the bestower of wealth. She gives abundance, good health and opens the heart to receive.  She brings us to clarity, generosity and gratitude.

Image result for Lakshmi

The last three nights celebrate the goddess Saraswati the divine embodiment of knowledge, wisdom and art. She inspires and expands the ability to understand and create beauty.  She dispels ignorance and grants wisdom.

Image result for saraswati goddess

I bring this up because there are cultures older than ours that provide guidance in their myth that can help us at these junctures and bottlenecks on the way to peace (even if they don’t live the wisdom–it’s easy to know what to do, it’s just hard to do it).  If you want to know a more detailed version try this:  Kari Field is an inspired and inspiring woman.  Highly recommend following her.

So back to the beginning. Ethics and politics and the world and the Equinox and balance.  As long as we are coming from chronic overwhelm, we cannot know what to do.  As long as we play with cause and effect as our only toys 90/10 is going to look like balance, micro and macro ethics are going to seem unrelated and polarization and fascism are going to be the new normal.

Pluto, Saturn and the South Node of the moon in Capricorn are ruthlessly revealing the shadow of greed. Mahishasura (the buffalo-headed demon of above) believed that no woman in the world could cause him any harm.  It was true, no one woman could, but the Shakti, the mother energy, the Yin, the Receptive could and did.

Also, the proper use of time is important to remember when defeating demons. All the gods went after Mahishasura and all of them were defeated.  Cause and effect weren’t working there.  An observed, unitive response, not a reaction, that honors and receives all aspirants is what effected an end.  Vishnu, Brahma and Shiva all combined to create Durga.  There are some clues for us in this.



In the Vedic chart Pluto, Saturn and Ketu (S.Node) are all in Sagittarius the sign of study, the search for meaning, aspiration and our ideas about spirit.  The native people in all cultures tell us that we have lost our connection to spirit.  From here we cannot move forward. The concept of “citizen”, the idea of “personality” and the notion of “identity” keep us reacting to whatever the latest “issue” (demon) is.

We are all too caught up in concepts and ideas. Including me. Especially me.

What if the mind is shared?  What if that voice in your head that makes you feel victimized is not yours but all of ours? What if thoughts are received not transmitted? What if we always choose the worst possible scenario automatically and it is not a choice?  What if this is the presence of trauma in our lives and it has been going on and running the planet since before Mahishasura?

Transformation is possible, but only if we fully get that we are each fully deserving of respect and care.  We are disconnected from our own essence, from the value, worth and connection that we each are.  With the super-over population and pollution disaster we have going it’s gonna be a lot more work than we now know.  Do you think it’s worth it?

In an infantile way we all want the good to go on forever and the bad excluded.  It’s fascist and that sort of immaturity lives only in the suffering mind of constriction.  Invite the mind to the peace of bare awareness and the ceremony of wholeness the avatars of the goddess represent.  You are all things.  The long garden party at the end of history is over.  Are you ready?

Mind your heart,









Carry the Light into Shadow. Better to Remain Galadriel than Gaslit. Autumnal Equinox 9/23/19 1:50 MST

Some observations from the light at the end of the third quarter of the Gregorian year 2019.

Image result for EM Forster the seafarer quote

Dualism is fanaticism. “Us” against “Them”, light versus dark, matter against spirit threatens to overtake all the insane ideologies of Earth once again.  Extreme spiritual asceticism and austerity stands in opposition to narcissistic materialism in the battle for the throne of Earth as we approach the equal light before the longest night.


Is this because we are beyond the point where we could have turned away from super-over population, a technological final solution and an abandonment of the Earth for starfaring colonization?

Or is it because We Must Be Right and They Must Be Wrong?

Is it because we are so addicted to our fictional, idealized, ideological identities that we can no longer feel what is actually happening?  What is actually happening AGAIN?

In destroying it’s opponent Gnosticism (which took 500 years btw), Christianity became what is beheld: dualist. Adopting the doctrine of summum bonum (or a God that is wholly good) created an evil that is eternal.  Rome was thus subsumed in Greece and the US, France and the UK are becoming the fascists they vowed to destroy forever in Germany. We will become what we choose to hate.

We vowed “never again” and yet are practicing the same kind of separation of families and genocide of the planet that we rose to fight as Shia fundamentalism in 2001. Oh, and we completely forgot about Epstien.


We are experiencing a chaos similar to that of the Helenistic world where the old gods lay in ruins. Buddhism, Taoism, Christianity, Nestorianism and Mannaism all debated to replace the old systems of jealous, petty Greek and Roman celestial rulers in 895 AD.

It was religion that ruled the day then, are we so different now?

Even the desire for balance can become extremely unbalanced.


Light casts shadows.  I respect both.  On this equinox I am sitting very close to the partnerships alive in duality.  I’m breathing it all in and letting it flow through.  I grew up near a giant coal plant (the last 2 in my hometown closed in 2017)  and went to college in the Appalachians. I respect what the workers did to feed their families. Many of them died in abject poverty so that I could have light to learn by. I knew a few. Their whole communities are fighting to survive now.  Not all of them have a college.

The struggle to gain the awareness that will save us from ourselves is here and everywhere.  We are cosmic in this universal moment and the choices that we make must reflect that expanding awareness, must reflect our wholeness, not our lack.

It’s like love.  Love is so much stronger when it is by choice, not by cause.  Not by force.  Only chosen love is true. True love wants only the good of the beloved.  Anything else is shadow.  It has it’s place in the cosmos, too.


We come to the juncture where we must watch our own movie, not just star in it.  Is this the film we hoped to produce?  To direct?  How much of it would you like to leave on the cutting room floor? This moment is all that is real, that will ever be real. May you become aware that you still have a choice.  May it be a loving one.

This moment is astrologically unprecedented.  In the Vedic chart all the personal planets (Sun, Venus, Mercury and soon Mars–he’ll catch up by the New Moon on Saturday) are in Virgo, the sign of discernment and analysis.  Pluto, Saturn and the South Node are in Sagittarius the archer, the explorer, the aspirant.

Do you understand or know what you love?  Are you willing to be wrong to gain understanding?  How far will you go?  Where’s your map?

Maybe deep restructuring within.  Again.


In the tropical chart the sun and personal planets are in Libra and the signs of structure and the past are in Capricorn.  Enantiodromia continues, fate in the form of stellar demons and an iron prison of our own making persists until we get the lesson.  Same one.  Same as always: the universe is inclusive, it’s both/and. See the wholeness in the duality.  Love thy enemy.  They hone who you are, after all.

Time to move beyond cause and effect.  A little Libran diplomacy and stimulus, observation, response would be good.  With a side of sweet, juicy justice if anyone has some, please.


Here’s another pair of novelties: Saturn stationed direct on it’s own AND the moon’s South Node.  Mature. Just. Mature. The opportunity alone is grace.  Grow up.

Pluto, Hades, the king of the Underworld, who’s banner reads,”transform or die” has done the same thing; stood still on his own South Node and the South node of the moon. Change the past.  Face the Shadow bearing light within.

As we head toward the new moon eclipse on the 26th of December the Sun, the moon and Jupiter will join them (Capricorn in tropical, Sagittarius in Vedic).  That’s 6 planets in one sign during an annular new moon eclipse.  I have not ever seen that before.  I am looking for interpretations.  If you find any good ones, send them my way?

If you can’t yet find a way to see the side of the “other” may you have time and cause to do so between now and then.  It may help to forgive yourself first, when you are able.

Fear is how intuition behaves when it doesn’t  contact knowing.  Deep in the bones assurance.  It has been long since any of us have touched that with regard to the future on planet 3.  It might be good to forgive what others have done to comfort themselves and move on in peace. Contraries are partners.

It might also be good to stop pointing fingers at each other and just work on our own stuff for a while.  There’s plenty to do there. Truce, yo.

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Prayer: May I use my time to restore my connection to spirit, to the Gaian heart and to the heart of humanity.

May I have the courage and confidence to take the next step when the Higher Power shows it to me.

May I abide in the peace of my heart until I am invited into the service of something beautiful and bigger than me.


Mind your heart,


The Hard Problem: Participate in Matter While Living in Spirit. Full Moon in Vedic Aquarius, Tropical Pisces. Friday 13 September 10:18pm MST

I am running an experiment. I am trying to invite a higher power into my life.  I am challenged more and more every day as my fears manifest before me and I try to stand in faith that what I am is eternal.  I am cleaning my house in preparation to admit grace.  I am trying to remind myself that I am love in human form.  And that you are too.  What if we were made to make our faith real, not just hold it intellectually?  What if this is why we are tested time and time again?  So the vessel will hold it’s integrity.

I am only in control of one thing: how I face my fears.  While I am living in this world I am stretched in two directions; participating in the “reality” of the world while knowing a vastly different inner “reality”.   That is the work of being a human.  That is what art does–it’s a lie that points to the truth.  Because the truth is unspeakable.  The truth is beyond matter, beyond words.

I am the energy beyond the separation inherent in the material world.  I am the binding force of unity beyond ego, identity or personality.  To the degree that I can let that in without blowing all my physical circuits, I endeavor to do so.   This is how I try to discover my true nature.  No one starts out doing that with a perfect map, but if I survive it, I may be able to leave some trail blazes for someone else to build her map with.


This all seems relevant to me right now because this full moon in Purva Badrapada nakshatra marks a transition from Aquarius to Pisces among the fixed stars of the sidereal zodiac (the one that did not change to accomodate the Gregorian seasonal calendar).  The cold, rational eye of the man with an empty pot (Aquarius) moves into the the sign of spiritual dissolution and flow (Pisces).  I am here participating in a lie until I fully admit the truth.  I am here in matter until I am not.  True enough.

The man with the empty pot is bound in the zodiac to his opposite and equal: the lion king.  I see this pair as the perfect symbol of the subject/object problem or the hard problem of consciousness.  Identified as a person I am unhappy.  My cold, rational eye seeks solution in the outside world– the pot in my grasping hands–and tries to realize some utopian vision that will never work.  Conversely, when I reside in my heart and not my head I commit to something larger than self.  My connection, my remembrance of my divine heritage, serves all beings.

Leo can be egoic in the extreme, but right now Mars is here deep in combustion (burnt to a crisp) so that lion is humble.  Enlightenment (in Vedic astrology the sun is a malefic, purifying by fire) is a violent and releasing project.  I am not acquiring more things to edify my spiritual ego.  I am casting away the dross of conditioning and indoctrination into matter.  I am discerning my words, thoughts and deeds to purify my karma (my fear made manifest) and actively seeking opportunities to clear ancestral karma and take the high road.  I am not perfect, but I am no victim.  The universe is sentient. I tend my relationship to it carefully.  It knows my words, thoughts and deeds intimately and is sending it all back to me faster and faster.

This is an auspicious time, should you harbor warrior energy or the disincarnate demons of old battles, to steep the heart and mind in the knowledge that the war is over, despite any outward appearances of maya.  The crusader identity/story/ghost has been stuck in an unresolved trauma haunting for a long time. It is time to rest, soldier.  Go to the light, be saved.  You are love and you are loved.  Complete clarity can come.  Invisible, ancestral baggage can be released.  The malefic sun releases you with the highest burning blessing.  We are responsible for resolution, yes.  However we are not always the cause of the war.  But honor demands we finish it.

Purva Badrapada is the still portion of space from which the lightening bolt of sattori bursts forth.  A glimpse of the true nature breaks through the veil and a glimpse of life beyond the wheel of samsara is revealed.  Body and mind, identity and story block the revelation of our true nature.  We are tested continually on the earth plane, engaged in the creation of a physical vessel strong enough to hold the lightening.  This project has taken 13 or 14 billion years to get this far and still so few can contain the energy, much less impart it to others.

There are very few enlightened beings who have transcended the world of maya.  So few live outside the fear, denial, greed, shame and fear of death most of us carry about daily.  I do my best to find them, their writings, their tree blazes in the deep woods and follow the trail in hopes that I may hold the lightening in actual experience for a moment.  I long for truth.


I am told that when awakening happens one is aware of it and then its over just as fast.  Ego death truly begins then (read: loss–lots of it) and meaningful change starts.  The identity must be broken down completely before a new being arises.  This time I am building a connection to Self beyond the war of matter and spirit. I am making myself over with deep peace at the foundation instead of ego identity.  This purification will probably take a couple more eons.  There are many remote border skirmishes yet to find and settle within I know.

I’m a little worried though, about my soul.  It’s not sweet.  It is not kind or patient.  It is completely out of fucks for my ego. I was minding my own business, driving in my lane, examining my projections and resolving my attachment issues when *WHAM* it came at me like a hippo (seriously, world’s deadliest large land animal) screaming, “YOU CAN’T FIND YOUR EGO WITHOUT PROJECTION! YOU CAN’T LOVE EVERYBODY! YOU CAN’T SAVE THE RAINFOREST! THE ENTIRE ECONONMIC MILITARY INDUSTRIAL POLITICAL PHARMALOGICAL PSYCHO SOCIAL COMPLEX STANDS BETWEEN YOU AND ONE SOUTH AMERICAN BABY IN A CAGE!  Neither the problem nor the solution is OUT THERE!”

And once it got my attention like that it said more quietly: “What out there needs is in you and you have let learned pain and the pain of others who are lost to themselves keep you from being the love that you are.”  I cannot argue with this.  I hide whenever I can.  I am tired.  I am heartbroken.  I am all choked up over my impotence.  It’s been 4 solid months of Saturn retrograde, combing over the past mistakes of my unique solar fire’s expression on planet 3.  I have fucked a lot up in my 48 years.  I don’t know what the hell is happening.  But I do know that NOTHING meaningful happens until I put down my weapons and release my fists at life and ADMIT I DON’T KNOW and I am afraid I am not equal to the task of living life.

Saturn goes direct and separates from Ketu (South Node) in Sagittarius on the 18th.  (In December all the planets except 3 will be in the sign of the archer with an eclipse on the 26th!) That means only 5 retrograde planets are currently applying the cosmic brakes.  Planets, nodes and asteroids are said to be super-strong when in perceived backward motion and Saturn (stationary until the 23rd) with Pluto (Hades) and the South Node (the dragon’s tail–the body without the spirit) come off like a steam roller on the toothpaste tube of the psyche.  Crushing.

The ringed planet moved so painfully SLOWLY backward with this gang of matter and structure mercenaries (in the tropical chart they are in Capricorn–heavier!).  This transit gave us a detailed, gory tour of our material fears. I don’t know.  Could be good? Could be the end of the planet? This has changed us all.  No question. In December all the planets except 3 will be in the Vedic sign of the archer with an eclipse on the 26th. It will be a special time when the voice of the people and individual efforts will be weighty.

On the tropical side of things, the full moon is in Pisces and we are visiting the 3rd iteration of the Jupiter~Neptune square.  With all the personal planets in Virgo and the moon, Lillith and Neptune in Pisces  this could go a few different ways.  Lillith is disruptive, she’s gonna rock the boat of the status quo every time.  She’s going to force the admission of the nebulous truth I have always denied.  I had many chances to sober up to this.  Spiritual liberation can often mean material loss and with Neptune’s tide made bigger by Jupiter’s expansion . . . it could get messy.  Lillith is sextile Saturn and trine the North node (the dragon’s head–the spirit chasing immortality) so I’ve got that going for me, but it still looks like one hell of a spiritual swamping.  Man the bilge pumps, yo.


Mars does not get a break here either.  The will to power is opposite the moon (mind and emotion) and square to Jupiter (which is also square the sun AND the moon in this chart).  That looks like a lot of sunburn passed out and exposed on the deck of the boat to me.  The upshot is Pluto.  I know.  I can’t believe I wrote that.  Hades to the rescue?  Looks that way.

He’s trining the sun, sextile the moon, trining Mars and sextile Neptune.  Imagine a volcanic island rising up from the depths of the sea to lift the boat out of the water.  The warrior finds a cave to hide from the sun, then a fresh water spring in the night under a cool moon.  A couple flying fish flip onto the cave floor from the sea and some lava trickles out of the back of the cave to warm him.  He can only acquire all of this if he doesn’t fight the twisting tide when the land rises beneath his boat.  Imagine trying to stand down in all that?  Surrender to being caught by the king of Hell? Still, that’s how you accept a gift from Father Night.  You control your urge to fight him.  He’s beyond your control. Surrender.

Aepril of Aepril’s Arcana has been tracking this journey with Hades for a lot longer than I have.  I really admire her take on symbolism and what we can know from following the soul’s language.  She calls the third culmination of the Jupiter~Neptune square and the Plutonic support the butterfly’s metamorphosis.


First you spit all over yourself and dissolve in a bag of your own excretion, then you are completely remade into another being entirely.  As that new being, you beat your new wings against your old boundaries until your are strong enough to emerge from the cocoon of your own crap and soar into a world you have never experienced before. No blame, no mess.  It was you all along.

Just remember, the butterfly has no idea what is happening.  It’s all instinctive and there is a LOT of pain and dissolution in this transformation.  Neptune is highly sensitive and can be really addicted to escape in Pisces.  Expansive Jupiter packs extra punch in Sagittarius.  Enantiodromia again. Better to whale on the spiritual practice or connection to nature than the mind-altering, pain-relieving substances just now.  Just my thought, this is the stuff overdoses are made of.  This square we have been dealing with all year  moves apart in October.  Outlive it and life may look really different by then.

Friday the 13th is auspicious for everybody but the Templars.  It’s Freya’s day after all and the moon falls near Pegasus.  There is a mystical, emotional, dreamy fantastical feel to this.  Imagine the higher spiritual space, step away from the battle and fully retire into the beauty you have dreamt up.  Even if an underappreciated, debilitated Venus shows up with the receipts from the past, show her the depth of your love. Her mood is about to flip as she enters Libra in the tropical chart anyway.  Mercury will follow.  Things should get fair and even pretty quickly. Make love not war.  We have had enough war.


It’s turtles all the way down, Yoganauts.  Thanks for reading.

Mind your heart,








Tearing Down the Wall Between Consciousness and the Unconscious: To Achieve Unity, Integrate Dichotomy. Full Moon Partial Lunar Eclipse Tuesday 16 July 2018 3:30pm MST

What am I trying not to feel?

Love is not a meritocracy.  Love is given, not earned.  Love makes whole.  I must do this.  Without hope for gain, without the support of rational mind, without validation from the world outside — I must love this mess back to wholeness.   In all the chaos, destruction and corruption I must remain love. My being love is my only opportunity for intimacy with my source.  A relationship with the divine is not something I can do or achieve.  I have to embody it. I have to be it. Everything is alive and divine and therefore I am too. It’s all one. It’s all love. It’s simple, really.  But it’s not easy.

There is one true economy (Capricorn) I see on planet Earth and it is this: put a single seed in the ground and you are given back a hundred (Cancer). Everything here is given, not quid pro quo.  It is ego that “deserves”.  The ego of the seeker (low end Sagittarius) is the most dangerous.  Truth (with a capital ‘t’, high end Gemini) is given from another realm.  One cannot earn experience of divinity.  One must surrender to become it.

We need an economy that supports the sadu in the loincloth becoming whole.  We need to return to the Truth of our Earth. We need all 7 billion of us operating at our creative best, making life better for each other. It’s “The More Beautiful World Our Hearts Know is Possible” We need cooperation with each other.  We need love all the others. Humankind, yo.

“Cooperation never means the absence of conflict of interest. It means a set of rules for negotiating conflicts of interest in a way that resolves them.” ―Oceanographer Danny Grunbaum

Sidereal Chart of the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse

The goddess Gaia (Cancer) is born again when the “I” of ego dies on the cross of space and time (Capricorn).  The “I” and the “my” will be renounced for the emerging “we”.  This is the meaning of the cross.  This is the crucible of time and space.  This is the test we are currently flunking for NO GOOD REASON.  Money is not a good reason.  We made it up. It did not exist a little while ago.  Borders are not good reasons.  We were all born here. We don’t owe anyone for that and there is no good reason to stop migration of animals for money BECAUSE MONEY IS NOT A GOOD REASON.  And we know better (high end Sagittarius).

So it’s the end of suffering, I claim.  That could mean one of two things; we realize that all 7 billion of us refer to the same “I” and begin to model our systems on nature’s sharing economy or we perish.  When we make “I” a single person and not the infinite consciousness of pure Self, we forget our source: eternity.   Individually, when we make the “I” about me and mine, thoughts confuse us and create war.  Thoughts can only intimidate and scare the false self (the unconscious).  Thought cannot withstand that which concentrates upon it’s source (that which is bravely conscious). Thought cannot make suffering of present love.  Love is lifeforce.  Love is emotion that moves things. It’s who we are.  It’s all we are. Now it must become what we do and how we think.

What if we come here to externalize the dark and unloved parts of ourselves and each other in order to include and love them?  Bigger love?  More inclusive love?  What if the emotions themselves are the teachers?  This is an inclusive reality, not exclusive. What if that is what love is?  What if it’s EVERYTHING, not just the honeymoon phase?  Are we mature enough to take it ALL in? What if love is the evolving force? What if it doesn’t acknowledge any boundaries?

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Any attempt to deny what is results in war.  The war outside IS the war inside.  So I must ask myself again: what am I trying not to feel?  What the hell am I so afraid of? Imana try to seek the wordless wisdom of the pain body instead of bypassing it for forced spiritual states that feel better, but lack foundation in what IS.  I will try to sit, stay and heal the war inside before I involve others.

When the body is suffering, the spirit has a choice to no longer deny BEING in favor of the diversions of ego, says Adam Elenbass ( ).  There is no answer to the “why” of suffering that we yet know.  Pain only has meaning in relation to being.  It’s questions are: “who am I in relation to this pain?”, “how do I choose to suffer?” and “can I use this experience to create compassion?”.

Adam is in the process of passing a kidney stone named Hank.  There is no answer as to why this pain is OR HOW HE EARNED IT (because if love is a meritocracy then . . .), but it does not define his humanity.  IT PURIFIES, REFINES AND CLARIFIES IT.  Want proof?  Give him an hour of your time on the eclipse Tuesday July 16 (3:30pm MST). Adam is brilliant.  I pray for his urinary tract and the greater yet to be of his immortal soul which shines so brightly amid his trial.  Thank you, Adam.  Gentle birth of the stone baby.


“Doing” to achieve spiritual connection does not guarantee divine intimacy.  Transactional economy dichotomizes the separate self from the related one by definition.  Any further separation will deepen the crisis.  Not to worry!  Deeper pain, deeper crisis will further clarify, refine and purify. Pain awakens us to beingness.  Life without pain does not refine awareness or advance consciousness, nor spiritual intimacy with the divine self.  We are at the point where pursuing ego gain is just dumb. It’s killing us all.  It’s low end Capricorn with Saturn, Pluto and the South Node piled on for extra stubbornness.

To love is not to quantify value.  Quantitative valuing is an economic strategy.  Self love is not self worth.  Self love is self intimacy.  Self love is knowing who you are/who you are becoming when you are in pain.  Self love is knowing who you are/who you are becoming when you don’t get what you want.  Self love is knowing what my preferences are and knowing that they are not that important.  I really don’t believe that getting what I want has ever brought me real fufilment, not like knowing myself has. Not like loving myself has.

Conditioned ego wants me to be a slave to my conditioned mind’s preferences.  But I want the ability to be with what is, no matter what the one source wants to show me.  I want capacity, I want to stand more, to see more, to experience the universe as it is, not as I think it “should” be. To get to that I have to spend time with myself.  I have to see through the ego’s distractions. My soul has a real need for love that I am just beginning to understand.  It’s painful how much I don’t “get it”, but I do know the transactional model does not work for me, personally.  I need the kind of love that cracks me open to the goddesshead.  My soul is ridiculously demanding in this.  It will require my entire life to meet her need. I pray for the strength to be vulnerable enough.

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Whenever I love and try to hold the object of that love I begin to lose it. The transactional model starves us of real intimacy like denial robs the moment of it’s humanity.  Everything is alive and divine and therefore relational.  When I tell the humankind how they’re going to be, who they’re going to interact with and in what way,  I attempt to enslave what IS to my will.  Opening to what is means that I must reserve the possibility that there is a greater wisdom at work here.  It has never been so important to make room, to hold space for the “Greater Yet to Be”.

Finally, I need to concede that some things are not going to benefit from a conversation during this Mercury retrograde.  Sometimes the willingness to continue negotiating just deepens the crisis and indicates complicity.  It’s a lonely road to leave the bargaining table with consensus realty.  Yeah, it’s lonely outside consensus, so what?  It’s lonely within it, too when you can never be vulnerable. It’s lonely and separated and divided to keep hoarding for ego.  Let’s quit.

Is it possible to move the leaden ego around the self judgement and take back authority from fear?  Can we leave others to their pain and it’s wisdom IF THEY CAN”T CHASE GRACE WITH US (yet)? Six planets retrograde ask us to revisit these issues of autonomy and sovereignty.  Why would you give away your personal power?  Have you?  Is that abdication the reason you don’t love yourself, the reason you are at war with yourself?  Or is it something deeper?  Fertile time to take a deep look between now and 30 July.


Can you love a murderer?  Can you love a warmonger?  Can you love a rapist, an abuser a mentally or physically sick person?  You can.  Thought has no hold on the heart. It’s only consensus reality that taught us to exclude these parts of self and no mistake, we ARE these things.  Can you accept that love created this for you to see and be and hate and then adide with? Can you release negative experience as achievement instead of error? What if love includes bad, hard and unpleasant moments?

Mistakes and bad choices are proof of innocence and necessary to dharma. Are we so invested in our “rightness”  that we forgot to ask if believing ego is a learning mistake?  What if the polarity it creates is what we are being asked to become comfortable with?  What if error IS the way to learn? What if WE ARE the wholeness that can contain the duality and reconcile opposition? Can we organize ourselves from this wholeness?

What if the mystery wants our attention to help “it”, not to hurt “us”? What if the only way back to unity is to consciously go through this sort of separation?  What if it’s no one’s fault, it’s just what had to happen so we could advance in consciousness? Would you be willing to come to the end of alienation in this way?  How badly do you want to return to loving yourself?  Will you forever remain at war? Soul or ego? Fruitful questions to ask until August 15.

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This full moon in sidereal Sagittarius is also a Vedic holy day called Guru Purnima.  It’s considered auspicious to honor the lineage of wisdom that passes from student to student (because the soul is the only true teacher) forever.  We are each one iteration of an ancestral line, but the wisdom of our species and our planet creates our world and our opportunity for illumination.  Without expectation or entitlement, we celebrate our chance and the gift that our embodiment is.  We celebrate the love that created us and informs all life.

The guru is the dispeller of darkness, releasing us from the ignorance of karma, from the thoughts that imprison our consciousness  and providing the revelation of who we are: higher consciousness bringing the light of life into matter.  Without knowing this, without the pain of revelation, without the guru, life does not refine awareness, but remains ever on the wheel of consequence.  While awareness does not guarantee happiness we are last in a line that has kept the project of higher consciousness alive for some reason.  Those are our people back there who passed us the ball and they did it without antibiotics or cell phones or Apple.  This lunation is for them. Let’s say thanks.

The astronomy of this lunar eclipse is so polarized and aspected that I don’t really know how to include all the signs and symbols of dichotomy represented. Each time I tried, I failed (a good thing if you follow my argument). One thing I can say for certain is that in nearly every way this astrology looks like an oceanic change of mind.  Surrendering to the process of what’s happening with this is what I see in the very positive Neptune trine. Something is being revealed, I think.  Swim with it in an oceanic connected “being” way, if you can.  Try to release the changing belief in relaxation.


Because if you don’t the Pluto conjunction is the polar opposite: when the lesson is learned and the trauma is released, when the deepest emotion which has been subconscious for so long arrives YOU PROLLY DO NOT WANT TO RESIST THE CHANGE.  Challenge is healed by transformative surrender.  Pluto is the original ride or die. It’s integrate the revelation or perish.  Sorry.  Pluto is immoderate like that and emotions move things.  Move with the causal energy as it explodes out of unconsciousness and into the light of a new day dawning on a new organism: humankind.  Be both.


Mind your heart,


2 July 2019 New Moon Solar Eclipse in Ardra Nakshatra. The Storm of Purification.

I hope you can forgive my absence.

Each day the metaphor of birth becomes more apt: the walls are closing in, the resources are strained, the need for release is pressing . . .  a new music is being born on Earth and we are her musicians.  If I lose the beat when the tempo changes I intend to wait, listen and feel my way back into harmony.  May your rhythm be true to you allways.

This coming eclipse on July 2 ends the 18.5 year saros cycle that takes us back to the exact astrology of September 11, 2001 (remember Vedic astrology is sidereal).  It’s the nodes of the moon that cause eclipses to physically happen.  The nodes represent past and future, cause and effect, in a word: karma. The solar eclipse in an indicator, a revelation about what happened then and iterations of that cyclic process (1982, 1963, 1945).


The next happenings are not yet decided.  Happenings don’t happen that way.  Who you are will determine which events will undergo the formality of actually happening next in your life.  What you intend will matter a lot, but what will happen is that you’ll become who you truly are.  Who you are is vital to the continuing happening on the planet.  So compassion toward SELF (put your own oxygen mask on first, please) and others is key.  Decisions made out of fear will not serve.  Wait. Listen. Find your rhythm. Move in harmony.

Life is an opportunity for salvation, not the lack of it.  You don’t chant something 108 times, do some good works and get the whammy for certain; that’s egotistical.  There are no guarantees. No one knows what is coming through that birth canal, but I am willing to wager that if you can find a way to love yourself through whatever happens, you can mitigate a lot of the consequences that are coming to meet their resolution.  It’s not personal, but a lot has been denied and karma is not mysterious: it physics — cause and effect.


By way of further encouragement, I would also like to add that not everything you may be dealing with at this time is necessarily all yours anyway.  A lot got left behind in denial over the last 6000 years of patriarchal society.  Imagine that you are able to heal your entire family line just by loving your issues (or at least feeling them).

Consider this, too: Ardra does not condone the Christian message of “turn the other cheek”, when dealing with those who subjugate innocents. Ghandi was no passivist.  He was smart and deliberate about the use of his anger.  It’s fuel.  We acknowledge that it is dangerous and are careful in it’s application, but we stand against tyranny. Every. Time. Discern and act is the message of the Bhagavad Gita.

Vedic yamas advocate nonviolence.  Ardra is the howling wind of the storm of purification.  Ardra is Shiva’s primordial and destructive form.  After the destruction Shiva renounces anger, but it gets fully expressed first.  The Nakshatra Sutra teaches the appropriate application of anger in balanced and contained destruction.  This is the controlled demolition borne of frustrated creativity (labor pains happen when expansion is happening).

We do not allow injustice, we neutralize those who prey upon innocence, truth and liberty.  This time can be used to demolish, release and forget inauspicious things within us and without us. There is a time and a purpose for anger. Mantras of peace, mind balancing meditation and spiritual connection are all auspicious during the eclipse as are fasting and feeding those who cannot feed themselves according to Vedic thought.


Perhaps the  most important demolition one can personally achieve is to dismantle the concept of “I” and “mine”.  These are mental prosthetics (low end Gemini) we use to avoid feeling that we are part of the Earth and one with each other.  The crisis exists because we have not recognized our oneness.  The crisis exists within, not without.  I am my perceived enemy. The lessons are here, I must learn.  This is a gift.

Love is openness in all it’s joy and ache.  Everything that happens on the Earth, Planets and Stars opens us to God, to what Is, to the Happening all around us.  My current definition of success is learning to withstand more with an open heart.  I am not always successful, but I return to my practice and try again. Eventually.


If you want to join me I am going to lead a Self-Care class at Gentle Healing Wellness, 513 Saddle Drive from 3:00 to 4:30 pm on Sunday 30 June.  It’s going to cover the 12 poses of a balanced home practice, something you can take with you wherever you go.  If you do them in one sequence, it’s an energizing morning practice, in the opposite order it’s an evening wind-down. Lunar Yoga in a sound byte.

It’s going to be a class accessible to everyone at all levels.  It will be a kind of deconstructed class where we find how one pose is achieved in any person’s body: if you need a chair we’ll adapt the pose to that, if you need to sit in child’s pose for the entire 90 minutes and weep, I will hold space for you.  If you want the 12 poses with vinyasa in between we can make that happen.  Just be sure you are in the mood to include when you come.  This is going to be collaborative and we are going to be talking about AND doing yoga.  It will not be a workout.  It will be a workin.

Image result for lokah samastah sukhino bhavantu

Also, let me know if you want me to continue the Vedic Lunar Yoga blog at as I could use the feedback.  Thanks. Someone recently told me that I should give up trying to understand/innerstand/stand more.  Sorry.  Not gonna happen, but if you don’t want to hear about it, I get it.  It’s a bit much, other people’s voices these days. The class is intended to help us better hear our own.

It’s going to be a revelatory time.  Devoted practice may help.  So, also might these words, from Judith Lassiter in Living Your Yoga: ” . . . belief is a preconception about the way reality should be; faith is the willingness to experience reality as it is, including the acceptance of the unknown.”* If that’s the practice you’re hoping for, let’s try together.

Mind Your Heart,


*Shout out to the book club.  Next meeting: Sept 15, from 4:15 to 5:45 Montana Book Co.  Join us.


Full Moon in Vedic Aries and Tropical Taurus, Wendesday October 24, 10:45 am All Things Are and The Opposite is Also True.

Image result for proud of my broken heart since thou didst break it

The Vedic full moon in Aries is in direct drishti (point of focus) to Venus growing combust (cazimi or hidden in flame) behind the sun’s fire.  This lunation in Ashwini is represented by the horse, a traditional symbol of power, beauty and spontaneity.  It can help us break through stagnation and doubt with it’s love of all things new.   The moon in this place of initiative, the first nakshatra, awaits the arrival of Venus from the fire of transformation in a perfect yoga of connection.

The Vedic Ashwini Kumar, twin horse-headed brothers and doctors of the gods, are also symbolized here.  The medicine they use is prana, the inhale and exhale, the both/and,  the pharmakon.  Breath maintains health.  Take it all in and LET IT ALL GO. Pranic channels can be rebalanced under the light of this full moon and healing can be accelerated if we are able to keep an open heart.

An important aspect of this healing, available in both systems of astrology at this full moon, is a willingness to be changed by another, to be willing to see the opposite side to achieve a new level of relationship and heal the heart of humanity and compassion in our own lives, so that the act may resonate to the greater whole. May we see each other in a new light, having benefitted from recent challenges. May we realize the benefit of the schism of polarity and be willing to be changed by the presence of an opposite.

The sun is debilitated in Libra, a sign ruled by Venus and she is cazimi, so it’s like the two of them are burning our physical, emotional and spiritual strength to ashes.  Because Libra is the sign of relationship, we may be equating our strength and vitality to our connections and neglecting our relationships to ourselves.  This is a good time to take a look at how we are valuing ourselves in regard to money, love and pleasure. To over-value one side of the polarity is to lose the subtle balance we are learning.

It’s the full moon after Navratri, the night of the Sharad Purnima or Rasa Lila, the ecstatic dance of Krishna, his divine consort Radha and the gopi  (the cowherd damsels) whom he lures to him with his all-attractive nature and enchanted flute.   In the Vedic view, this full moon is the harvest of wealth, abundance and love and the goddesses born of the amrita, the nectar of the gods, are celebrated here in their abundance, health and creative fertility.  It’s an auspicious time for new beginnings, changes of mind and heart.


The tropical chart is a bit more complicated, a little more dark.  The full moon is in Taurus, the sun, Mercury and Venus are in Scorpio. 7 planets are in a “fixed grand cross” all at or near 0 degrees.  This speaks to me of tension.  The moon at 2 degrees of tropical Taurus conjuncts Uranus at 0 degrees of the same sign.  The sun in Scorpio (the deep, dark) opposes this moon.  Venus conjunct the sun (closer to combust every day until Friday when it’s exact) is in retrograde.  Not enough for you?  All 4 players in the cross square the moon’s north node in Leo. It’s an electrically charged time. It’s karmic.  One could even say it’s destined.  When I look at it, I think it’s intelligent.  It looks designed. I see a strategy to illuminate my blind spots. In my own life, I am starting to see how I may have dodged a couple of bullets, quite unconsciously.  Maybe I had unseen help?

C.G. Jung called times like these enantiodromiatic.  Check this out: “Enantiodromia is a principle introduced in the West by psychiatrist Carl Jung that the superabundance of any phenomenon inevitably leads to its opposite. It is similar to the principle of equilibrium in the natural world, in that any extreme is opposed by the system in order to restore balance.” Wikipedia Sometimes the overabundance or absence of something is just helpful, but other times life just heaps on the heavy until we decide to change.

This grand cross asks, “Will you remain in the past?”.  Will you feel the call of destiny to change karma that is overly present, or do you want to hang out in your misery a while longer?  There is no judgement there.  Stay, go, no matter.  The stars give us an opportunity.  What may come up are things you have been working on since at least May and the eclipses in Leo and Aquarius.  The option is to decide: forward or back?


Venus renews herself as she conjuncts the sun and her creativity returns, she revisions what beauty means in her life.  Beautiful health, poetry, music, sex, romance, money and well-being all get revision.  Transition, transmutation and focus on eliminating the bullshit all become available at the Taurus full moon.  Focus on the interest you KNOW aligns with your being and your divine connection.  It’s not going to be delivered via social media.  It’s coming through mental discipline and a decision to claim your power.  You’re sovereign in your own life, aren’t you?

I am committed to shaking off the past and releasing my old habits and patterns like the best warrior: without anger.  The Taurus/Scorpio axis is death and rebirth.  Have the conversation of emotional depth if you dare.  Only the love you make survives. Ask yourself if you really want to act the way you have been toward them and if not, change your mind or heart.  It proves you have one or both.

On the deepest level, the ultimate Venus retrograde in Scorpio energy is interior and ecstatic surrender to source connection.  Inner security from the eternal connection is key.  Whatever you do, go out differently.  Don’t buy into the appearance of truth.  Kick the tires.  If it’s true, it doesn’t need defending. The status quo is falling.  Whatever is not working “out there” points to something unloved within.


I think I am getting the hang of these orbs. Fun.

I love the Uranus conjunction.  The change-maker gas giant rules the schism, the division, the break and Venus needs her space to see the place of separation within as a gift.  As the crack where the light gets in.  One of the greatest things we can learn about ourselves is where our limits lie.  We have to honor self, value self enough to enforce a boundary at times.  Self love says “no” sometimes.  That’s enough.  If this were a birth chart, she’d be empathic and in relation she’d have to be able to feel the other and be able to trust them to communicate their emotional truth to her, otherwise she’d back off.

All this luminary light and Saturn trining the Moon makes it our moment to share from rock bottom if we dare to be real.  There are some childhood, deep seated, ancestral sort of issues coming up for clearing.  Love how you used to do it wrong confronted with this crap, forgive yourself and then DO IT DIFFERENTLY.  There are the same old secrets and lies swirling to the surface and you may be having this “here I am AGAIN” feeling.  Remind yourself that empathy and compassion are available.  Whomever you are dealing with is probably deep in their own BS. too.  Maybe sometimes backing off proves you own a new kind of trust.  Maybe taking a moment to set down anger and decide to act from an open heart is all the moment needs.

Tropical chart.

Uranus is also the planetary symbol for liberation and freedom.  It’s a good time for all of us to focus on harmonious innovation.  This is so needed.  Participate in revival.  Shake out the substrate calcification.  Uproot the Stepford status quo and jettison the pride, vanity and shallowness of stability for meaningful rearrangement.  Deepening real honesty is protective now.  Things will change moment to moment from here on out, change with them.  Bend and don’t break, don’t be domesticated for someone else’s purpose.  Do it for your soul’s longing or not at all.

Venus combust can show up feeling like rejection (see above about other people going through it, too) and she can be one rotten outsider/outcast.  Tend to the rejected hurt.  Find the love in you and direct it to someone outside you.  Light someone up.  Don’t idolize what has cast you out, who you are not or what you think is judging you.  Otherwise you may unconsciously compete or focus inside in ways that erode your self esteem. Replace what is lost with an act of love.  The lesson of loss is love; giving love, giving art, giving creativity.  That’s what this blog is, I hope.


Admit it, your armor has been penetrated.  I know mine has.  There is NO WAY we would consent to these type of heartbreaks.  So we set up a scenario where we could have the soul-stretching, capacity-challenging, gaud-awful experiences our souls require to grow into the type of beings that create worlds.  When rebalancing the tires on the after death vehicle, it pays to familiarize yourself with the undercarriage.  It’s not always fun, but it’s prudent. On a level of your own personal mythology, don’t you really know that you set all this up, anyway? I am betting that on a mysterious level and in a way that only you understand, your soul, the eternal part of yourself, values these catastrophes.

I plan to show my soul that I remember who I am.  I am going to try to embody the peace I want.  I am going to be open to being changed by my life, my relationships and my empathy.  I have invited the divine to help me create a deeper form of trust than the one that fails me so often.  I am asking to be shown that if this is all alright and proceeding to plan, then HOW is that true?  I am asking to evolve and not be left behind here.

Wholly my opinion:  I am creating the sankalpa that we evolve without catastrophe this time, that for fucking once we honor the peace treaty and be “open to being converted” by hope, compassion and maybe even another.  Is there still hope for new life here? May have to search to find it, but it sounds like a good quest.  Kind and intelligent dialogue do sometimes work better than snide and sarcastic soundbytes. I will own that and learn to lean in, intend to listen more deeply.  I want to be willing to be changed by those I love and learn to see their side, even when I am terrified that they will break my heart.  Again.


For once, I am praying that I find the strength and courage to love team people and our collective home enough to embody all the love I feel, not what I have been beaten into accepting as the “limits of common sense”.  I want to dare to live this uncommon sense I feel.

Mind your heart.  I hope you’re well, too.